i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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