I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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