im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
