i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
