i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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