the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
