I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
