I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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