there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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