Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my being single is dangerous.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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