Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
