You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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