The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
