Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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