Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
