i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
