This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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