SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
