Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
