uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
