My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
