I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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