WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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