Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
