no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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