I can text with my tongue
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
