Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
