I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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