dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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