omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
