HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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