So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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