i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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