im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
