Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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