I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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