They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
