Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
