just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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