marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
