I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
