made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
