these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
