Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
