you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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