By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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