Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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