You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
