Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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