My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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