my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
