I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
