Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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