Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
