your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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