gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
