Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
