Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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