I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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