Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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