And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
