I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
