What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
