I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
