that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
