theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
