What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
