Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Floor bacon is actually really good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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