we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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