grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
