I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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