Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
