just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
